Thinking – using thought and rational judgement

Feeling – an emotional state or reaction

Acting – behaving in a specific way

I use a great tool in my coaching called T, F, A. Thinking, feeling and acting. Our minds are supercomputers which are constantly processing the world around us. Our thoughts pack quite a punch and can influence how we feel and eventually act. In the same breath, our feelings can pack quite a punch and influence how we think and eventually act.

There is an interplay between thinking, feeling and then how we show up in the world. This is very much dependent on which kind of data your brain notices first.

Think about yourself walking into a room. In the first 5 seconds do you notice that there are mainly men in the room, or 2 people are wearing red or that nobody is sitting down? Perhaps you walk into a room and in the first 5 seconds, you notice the room is quiet, people are talking in small groups almost whispering and you pick up that there is a sombre mood in the room.

This will give you a slight indication of if you are more cognitive and more emotional. We like to believe we are more emotional however some of us notice data before emotions. Your superpower computer has already computed the information and now you will act accordingly to what you notice.

What drives your behaviour? Are you the type of person whose thoughts drive your behaviour without tapping into your emotions or are you the type of person whose emotions drive your behaviour without tapping into your emotions?

This is where the T, F, A model can help you begin to discern how you can engage both thinking and feeling when deciding how to show up in the world.

The best way to practice T, F, A is to ask yourself the following:

What was I thinking?

What was I feeling?

How did I react?

If this way of being does not serve you then you can ask yourself these next round of questions:

What would I have liked to think?

If I thought this way what feelings would I have had?

How would I have responded then?

By becoming aware of the interplay between your T, F, A you can begin to reshape the way you are showing up in your relationships, interactions and conflict situations.

As I mentioned it all begins with self-awareness. If we don’t have self-awareness how do we know what we need to change?

Sometimes times our patterns don’t serve us anymore and we need to change something. This T, F, A exercise can help us step off that merry-go-round and show up in our authenticity and with intention.