I often get asked why I do what I do. I have always had a passion for helping people and a keen interest in the human mind and behaviour. I started my journey of understanding the human mind by studying Psychology when I left school. Circumstances, unfortunately, didn’t let me continue with my studies past my degree, and off I went into the big wide world of adulthood. Through a life-changing experience that I will share with you a little later, I began this journey of self-discovery. I was lost. I had lost my identity. I had lost my path in life. I had lost my purpose. I had lost myself in a life I was pretending to live, and I knew no matter what through my experience. I was forever changed and could not fit back into the old Candice mold no matter how hard and tried. Let me tell you I was tired from trying, and I kept on falling. I spent 8 months in the cycle of “oh let me do this old Candice style” and then falling, and then realizing it won’t work, do this again and again. I was exhausted and for some reason, it took me 8 months to get to the point of CANDICE JUST STOP IT! This was the point where I needed something to shift and change. I had reached that T-junction and I needed to take a different path. I registered for a 6-month spiritual development course and so this journey began. Unlearning behaviour that I had done my whole life was hard. There were things about me I didn’t want to face. I knew turning and facing my story was the only way I would heal, grow and gain wisdom from my experiences. I studied and studied and studied. Through this learning and self-development, I knew I wanted to step into a space to help a woman like myself who had reached that crossroad, who knew that they could no longer walk the road they were walking, and they had enough of the way things were in their life. Enough was enough and something needed to change. I became an emotional intelligence life coach and began living my purpose and passion, helping women to step intentionally into their lives with authenticity and confidence. I am proud of my growth; I am proud of all that I have studied at my age, and I am proud I can now use my knowledge as a life coach and my life experience to help guide a woman to live the life they really want to. If you want to read more about my unlearning keep on scrolling.
THE UNLEARNING
My unlearning was so deep and sometimes so painful. At times I was so attached to my old way of being that I could not let it go and kept bumping my head. It became apparent that I had patterns that I needed to step out of especially when it came to emotions. I emotionally numbed with alcohol, food, toxic positivity, and busyness. I did not want to turn and face the tough emotions. Learning through the emotional intelligence programs I attended over 2 years helped to begin the journey of working with my emotions as opposed to against them. I knew how to work with emotions however my relationships were still taking strain. I have always been that people pleaser, the yes person, the person that everyone says “oh ask Candice, she will do it”……. Yes, that was me. I was exhausted, resentful, frustrated, and lashed out at the people that didn’t deserve it. After attending a 6-month program self-development program I had so many revelations about how I was choosing all of these situations. I lacked healthy boundaries; I was not vulnerable enough to have difficult conversations with people and I needed to learn to look after myself a little better. And so, the journey of putting these things into place started. Gosh, it was hard. I was not liked, and I received a lot of pushback, especially from those closest to me. I was called unapproachable, unhelpful, and often got told “I don’t know what is wrong with you, you have changed”. Well yes, I had. I started looking after my needs and not the needs of everyone around me. I lost some friendships because I was courageous enough to now share how I felt and put boundaries in place. I invested time in people that added value to my life and whom I could trust. What Brene Brown calls your square squad. The people that call you out on your BS and are there to pull you out of the dirt and mud when you are face down in it without judgment, just empathy. Not only was it an outward journey, but it was also an inward journey of questioning all my thoughts, belief systems, stories, and inauthenticity I had lived in my whole life. Like I said through my life experiences and training I can now see the same patterns in my clients, I can now guide them down an easier path and help them with my tools to step out of the things that no longer serve them. If you want to find out more about my transformation story keep scrolling
MY TRANSFORMATION STORY
The people-pleasing, keep-on-smiling, happy-go-lucky, pain-avoiding little Candice went through life suppression, numbing and pretending life was dandy. While this is all very well this kind of emotional suppression eventually catches up on you in one way or another. How did it catch up with me? In December 2014 I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the tender age of 33. Not only did I have to face a cancer diagnosis, but I had lost my mom to lung cancer 3 weeks before I was given what felt like my death sentence. You never really know the outcome of cancer treatment. So, I honestly didn’t think I was going to make it to my 40th birthday. I literally held my breath for 5 years and I can honestly say I am forever grateful for this second chance at life. I recently celebrated my 41st birthday in August. I was beyond scared during 2015 while I was going through 16 rounds of chemo, 5 weeks of radiation, and a major op. I had to turn and face my fears, I had to turn and face my regrets and anything else I had been avoiding. The saying the only way up is through was my motto. I could not avoid any of it. There was no going around or sweeping under the rug. I had to walk through the flames of transformation. I realized that the phoenix bursts into flames and rises again out of the ashes. A lotus flower blossoms through the dirty mud. A caterpillar turns into mush/nothing and then emerges like a beautiful butterfly. I knew I had to break down to break through. Being lost was a part of my transformation, of my unlearning, and of my growth where I stepped into my purpose and passion in life. I am grateful for the lessons from my experience. Do I always get it right….NO, do I sometimes default to my old self……HELL YES, I do but I know this is all part and parcel of the human experience and as long as I keep showing up with intention, authenticity, and purpose then I am on the light side of life.
